


Take My Hand

by vp_77



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Kylo Ren Redemption, Other, POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey (Star Wars), Reylofest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22350901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vp_77/pseuds/vp_77
Summary: Take My Hand is a Reylo fanfic that picks up right after Rey and Ben kiss in The Rise of Skywalker. It details how they navigate their relationship, how both Ben and Rey deal with their personal demons, and what the future holds for them. Other characters, such as Finn, Poe, and Rose are featured.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> ****I am hoping to publish one chapter per week. I will do my very best to stick to this deadline.****

Rey stared at him, her eyes drinking in the smile on his face. It was the first time she’d seen him smile, actually smile, the act softening his features. There they both were, sitting in the ruins of the Death Star, their bodies bloodied and battered from the fight with Palpatine. Yet, she couldn’t help but smile too. They had won the war, yes, but, more importantly, he had come back to her. She had always known there was light in him, and he had finally allowed it to consume the darkness, bringing him home to her. Her arms still wrapped around his body, Rey allowed herself to simply stare at him, the breath of their kiss lingering on her lips.   
Suddenly, Rey felt his body loosen, then collapse. He crumpled to the floor, the light dimming from his eyes. “Ben,” Rey shouted, her voice strangled. She rushed over to him, sensing with the Force the life leaving his body. Rey placed her hand on his chest to heal him, as she had done before, but she could immediately tell she didn’t have enough life force to sustain them both. If she tried to heal him, they would both likely die in the process. Rey’s mind raced, and she again placed her hand on him, transferring just enough of her life force that his chest started to rise and fall again. Reaching down into the depths of her mind, she summoned enough strength to lift his crumpled body, carrying him as quickly as she could to her ship. “Hold on, Ben,” Rey muttered as she slid into the pilot’s seat. “Help is coming. Don’t leave me alone.”  
********  
Leaves flew from the ground, smacking into the Resistance members gathered around as Rey’s ship careened into the landing bay. She was out of the ship in an instant, her hair whipping around her face, blood oozing from cuts all over her body. “Help!” she screamed, panic tinging her voice. “I need help right now!”  
Finn and Poe rushed up to her. “What is it, Rey? What is it?” Finn said, urgency in his voice. “Are you hurt?”  
“No!” she shouted, her eyes still wild. “I’m fine, it’s Ben. I tried to heal him, but I didn’t have enough life force left. He’s still alive, but he needs medical attention right away.”  
“Wait…” Poe said, his voice wary. “Ben? You aren’t talking about Kylo Ren, are you? Please tell me you do not have that monster on your ship,”  
“I don’t have time for you right now, Poe,” Rey snapped. “Yes, it’s Kylo Ren, and if you don’t help me save him, I will personally run you through with my lightsaber!”  
“Ok, ok. Calm down. We’re going to help you,” Finn said. “Poe, shut your trap for one minute and run go get a stretcher to take him to the hospital bay.” Finn turned around to look at the crowd that had gathered behind him. “Everyone, I need you to go back to whatever you were doing. We’re handling the situation. The only person I need to stay with me is Rose.”   
Rose stepped closer to Finn, her face a mask of confusion. “What exactly is going on here?”  
“I’m not sure, but Rey is clearly in shock. I have no idea why she has Kylo Ren with her or why she’s so concerned about him. Could you please take her to the hospital bay too? She needs to rest, and I want to make sure someone treats those cuts so they don’t get infected.”  
“Of course I’ll go with her. She definitely doesn’t need to be left alone right now.”  
Rose walked over to Rey, who was now sitting on the ground, her shoulders shaking. “Rey,” Rose said gently. “I need you to walk with me to the hospital. I think you’re in a bit of shock, and you really need to have some of those cuts cleaned out.”  
Rey nodded numbly, pulling herself off the ground and following behind Rose. Now that the rush of adrenaline had faded, she felt tired, her body aching and weary. She barely had any energy, and her mind kept flashing to that awful image of Ben crumpled on the ground. Would they be able to save him? Would they even try? She knew no one but herself and Leia saw his true nature, and Leia was gone. Rey was terrified that the Resistance healers would let Ben die, seeing nothing but a monster before them.   
Poe stormed over to where Finn and Rose were standing, his face knitted together in anger. “All right, Finn,” he grumbled. “You have exactly one minute to explain to me why I just personally oversaw Kylo Ren being cared for by the best healers the Resistance has to offer.”  
“Poe,” Finn sighed, turning to Rose in exasperation. “I have absolutely no idea why we’re taking care of Ren. All I know is that Rey was adamant that he be cared for, and I’m certainly not going to ignore her request, particularly after she just singlehandedly defeated Palpatine!”  
“Of course none of us want to save him,” Rose said, turning to Poe with sympathy in her eyes. “But Rey is our friend and a hero to the Resistance. She’s obviously in shock, and she probably didn’t want to see any more death and suffering. You have no idea what she had to endure with Palpatine. I’d imagine that the battle deeply scarred her.”  
“I guess so,” Poe said, shaking his head in defeat. “Personally, I hope that Ren doesn’t pull through, even if it will upset Rey. They were doing everything they could when I left, but he was still unconscious. Nothing would make me happier than to see that monster perish, particularly after all the suffering he’s inflicted on us and our allies.”  
“I think we all agree with you,” Rose said. “Hopefully Rey will explain everything once she rests. They had to sedate her to get her to calm down. She’s still asleep right now, but the healer I talked to thought she’d be awake shortly.”   
********  
Rey’s eyes flashed open, her hands grasping as she tried to make sense of her surroundings. She was lying in a soft bed, with a warm blanket covering her body and a golden light flickering above her. Rey tried to pull herself up, a moan of pain escaping her as her abdomen twinged.  
“Careful,” a soft voice called. “Now that your adrenaline has faded, you’ll be able to feel the full extent of your injuries. You need to rest. I sutured your wound, but you’ll reopen it if you overexert yourself.”  
“Who are you?” Rey asked, her eyes landing on a blonde-haired woman with shimmering green eyes.  
“Katie Carta. I’m a healer, and I was responsible for caring for you.”  
“Oh,” Rey said, her mind clearing as the sleep faded from her body. “Wait, do you know how Ben is? Please tell me you know something. I have to know how he is.”  
“Ben?” Katie said, her brow furrowing. “Oh, you mean Kylo Ren. Yes, he’s stable. I worked on him too. His injuries were much more extensive than yours, but it looks like he’s going to pull through. He’s still unconscious right now. I’m hoping he’ll wake soon, but these things take time.”  
“I need to see him,” Rey said. “I need to be there when he wakes up. He’ll panic if he wakes up in a room with a bunch of people who would rather see him dead. I’m the only one he has.”  
Katie sighed. “Well, I suppose it would be useless to tell you that you really should stay and rest. I’ll let you see him, but on one condition: you have to let me take you to him in a wheelchair. I can’t risk you reopening your wound.”  
“Fine,” Rey growled. “But don’t waste time getting it.”  
********  
Ben was dreaming. It was the first time since his uncle had tried to murder him, so many years ago, that he hadn’t writhed with nightmares. He was dreaming, of course, of Rey. She was standing in a lush forest, her face creased with laughter. She seemed utterly relaxed and happy, motioning at him to step toward her. Her hand was outstretched, and he reached out to her. She pulled him toward her, and they were suddenly face-to-face, their arms around one another. As he reached toward her face, the forest suddenly melted from view, and he found himself lying in a bed.  
Panic closed around Ben, and his breath came in short gasps. Where was he? Where was Rey? The last thing he remembered was kissing her, both of them weary yet so happy. Had he died? Had he lost her forever? Ben focused, his mind searching frantically until he finally saw her.   
“Rey,” he whispered quietly, too scared that she was an illusion, a figment of his imagination.   
“Ben,” she said, her voice ringing clearly in his ears. “You’re alive! You’re okay. I was so worried. Don’t panic, I should be in your room in a minute. This blasted healer refused to let me walk myself.”  
He sighed with relief, his breath coming out in big, shuddering gasps. “Oh, Rey. I thought I died. I thought you died. I thought I had lost you. “   
The Force flickered, and he lost sight of her. As if like magic, the doors to his room swung open, and there she was again, tangible in front of him. Ben quickly sat up, swinging his legs over the bed to stand. As he rose to his feet, his vision went blurry with pain, his knees buckling to the floor. The blonde-haired woman that had brought Rey was by his side in an instant, her strong hands pulling him from the floor back to the bed.  
“Easy, easy,” she said, her words soothing. “You’re too weak to stand. Stay in bed. Rest. You can talk to her from there.”  
As Ben propped himself up on his pillow, the healer wheeled Rey over to him.  
“I’ll leave you guys alone for a while,” she said. “I’ll be back later to check on you guys, and I’ll do my best to keep the crowd out of the room.”  
“The crowd?” Rey said, her tone quizzical, but Katie had already disappeared out of the room.  
“Rey,” Ben said, his tone urgent. “Where are we? What happened? I don’t remember anything after we kissed.”  
Rey looked at him, her hand reaching out to cover his. “We’re at Resistance headquarters, in the medical bay. You…you almost died. I tried to heal you, but I didn’t have enough life force left. I managed to keep you alive and get you on the ship. I didn’t know where else to go but here. I know it’s not ideal, but once everyone realizes that you turned, that you nearly killed yourself trying to defeat Palpatine, they’ll come around.”  
Ben looked at her, his hand warm underneath hers. “You saved me. You could have died, but you saved me. And after everything I’ve done, you were willing to risk your life to save mine."   
“Of course I was, Ben. We’re all touched with evil, some of us more than others. You can’t dwell on your past. You made the right choice in the end, which is all that matters. And…I don’t let the people I love die. “  
“You love me? After everything?” Ben asked, his voice uncertain.  
“Yes. I tried not to, you know, especially after Han. But you’re the only one who has ever understood me, the only one who has ever accepted me exactly as I am. I never loved Kylo Ren, but I always loved Ben Solo.”  
“Thank you,” Ben said, his hand grasping hers. “You saved me, you know. You allowed me to become Ben Solo again. I have always loved you, Rey, from the moment I first saw you. I’m glad I’m alive, but I think I would have been happy if I had died, just knowing that you loved me.”  
Rey smiled, tears brimming in her eyes to match the ones in Ben’s. “I wish I could hug you, but I’m afraid it would hurt us both.”  
Ben laughed. “I wish I could hug you too. Might not be the best idea, though, you’re right.”  
They were both silent for a minute, drinking in each other’s presence. “What are we going to do about the Resistance and me?” Ben asked. “They won’t take kindly to my presence, I can tell you that. And I’m not saying I blame them. I would hate myself too.”  
“I’m not sure yet,” Rey said, her voice thoughtful. “I’m going to explain what you did to Finn, Poe, and Rose first. If they acknowledge that you’ve changed, the rest will be easy to bring around. I’m not saying it won’t be hard, though. Poe, I know for a fact, hates your guts.”  
Ben smiled at her. “I know it won’t be easy, but I’ll do what I have to do to show them that I’ve changed. These people were, after all, under my mother’s command. She would want me to get to know them.”  
********  
Poe drummed his fingers impatiently on the countertop at the cantina. Finn and Rose sat on either side of him, sipping their drinks and making small talk.  
“Did you hear,” Finn said, turning to Rose, “that Lando is going to help Jannah try to find her family?”  
“No, that ’s wonderful!” Rose said. “I hope Lando is able to find her family. She deserves it, after everything she’s been through and all she’s done for the Resistance. Have you ever thought about trying to find your family, Finn?”  
“I don’t know,” Finn said, looking at his hands. “I mean, there’s a part of me that desperately wants to know who they are, what happened to them, but there’s also a part of me that would rather stay in the dark. If I found them, I’m afraid I might resent them for just letting me go to the First Order and not trying harder to save me.”   
“I get that,” Rose said, her voice sympathetic. “It’s hard not knowing, but it might be even harder to know.”  
“Exactly,” Finn said. “If it goes well for Jannah, though, I might try.”  
Poe couldn’t listen to them any longer. “Do you two not even care?” he hissed. “You’re just over there gossiping like a bunch of old ladies while Kylo Ren is in our medical bay!”  
“Gosh, Poe. Calm down,” Finn said. “We obviously care, but we’re not all worked up about it. Why do you care so much? I mean, I have more of a reason to hate the guy than you do!”  
“I just can’t stand him,” Poe raged. “He’s dedicated his entire life to crushing innocents, and now we’re just supposed to save his life. It has been my dream to see Ren die. I can’t believe Rey didn’t kill him when she had the chance. I certainly would have.”  
“Yeah,” Rose said drily, “I can imagine it.” She was about to say more, but a beeping sound at her feet caught her attention. “BB-8, what is it?”  
“It’s Rey,” Finn said, leaping to his feet. “She wants to talk to us.”  
Finn, Poe, and Rose raced to the medical bay, BB-8 whizzing along behind them. They burst through the door and were promptly stopped by a blonde-haired healer.  
“Katie,” Finn exclaimed. “We’re here to talk to Rey. BB-8 said she wanted to see us. Can you show us where she is?”  
“That’s actually why I stopped you,” Katie said. “Before you go and see her, I wanted to warn you. She’s still not feeling great. In addition to the cuts on her face, she has a deep abdominal wound and severe bruising.”  
“We understand,” Rose said gently. “We’ll be careful not to bother her too much. I’m sure she’s still in a lot of pain. We just wanted to talk to her, see if she could shed some light on this Kylo Ren situation.”  
“And,” Finn added, “We are her closest friends. She probably needs the company.”  
“Yes…” Katie said, her voice trailing off. “About the Kylo Ren situation…You need to prepare yourselves. It’s not what you’re expecting.”  
“What do you mean by that?” Poe said. “Is he suddenly all friendly and kind? Because if he is, I’m sure it’s just an act. That guy is a weasel. He’d do anything to save his own skin. I could take care of him, you know. You could chalk it up to a medical complication. No one would be the wiser.”  
Katie glared at Poe. “You are not offing anyone in my medical bay, Poe Dameron. Keep yourself under control, or I will have you removed.” She sighed in disgust, her blonde ponytail bobbing back and forth.  
“What were you saying about Ren, Katie, before Poe went on his tirade?” Finn asked.  
“Oh, that,” Katie said. “Well, I certainly didn’t mean to spy, but I overheard Rey talking to him. She wanted to see him immediately after she woke up, and I was standing just outside the door. I wanted to be there in case she needed help.”  
“What happened, Katie?” Rose asked. “Did he threaten her? Did they fight?”  
“No, it wasn’t that at all. I would have called security if he tried to hurt her. They…well, they seem really close to one another. I hate to say it, but they reminded me of lovers.”  
“Lovers?” Poe asked incredulously. “Rey and Kylo Ren? No way. There is absolutely no way she’d ever love that monster. She was probably just trying to get information out of him. Rey’s smart like that.”  
“I don’t know,” Katie said, her voice weary. “I couldn’t imagine it either, but that’s what it sounded like to me. Talk to her and see what you can make of it. Her room is down the hall to the left. Just remember to be gentle. Don’t barge in there with accusations. I may have misheard or misinterpreted the dynamic. Rey’s a hero to the Resistance. She deserves the benefit of the doubt.


	2. Chapter II

Rey rubbed her thumb back and forth against her index finger, lost in her thoughts. What was she going to tell her friends? She had sent BB-8 to them with a message, telling them she was ready to talk. Rey sighed. There was just no good way to explain Ben. She could lie, tell them that she had brought him back to Ajan Kloss to be brought to justice for his crimes. That would be much easier for them to stomach, especially Poe. Out of all of them, Rey would have thought that Finn would have hated Ben the most, given his past as a storm trooper. Finn, though, was relatively easygoing. He certainly didn’t like Ben, but he didn’t have the same all-consuming hatred for him that Poe did. Poe, understandably, blamed Ben for all the fighters the Resistance had lost. Rey also knew that Poe was still deeply upset about the destruction of Kijimi. Rey hadn’t actually spoken to anyone since she got back from Exegol, but BB-8 had filled her in on what had happened. Rey didn’t think BB-8 was technically supposed to be allowed in the medical ward, but the droid had a knack for getting into places he wasn’t supposed to access. BB-8 had told her that while Zorii had managed to make it out of Kijimi in time, everyone else had perished. Rey sighed again. How in the world was she going to tell her friends about Ben, about how he had come back to the light, even sacrificing himself to save her?  
A soft knock startled Rey from her thoughts. Her friends were here. Rey took a deep breath, squeezing her hands tightly together. “Come in,” she called, her voice clear despite her nerves.  
Finn, Poe, and Rose treaded in quietly, as if afraid they were going to wake her from a nap. Poe was still dressed in his pilot’s uniform-did he ever take it off?-while Finn and Rose had both changed into everyday clothes. Rose had a small cut on her arm, but other than that, it seemed that they had all fared fairly well in the battle. “Hey, guys,” Rey said, forcing a smile onto her face. “I’m so glad everyone made it. BB-8 filled me in on the big details, but I want to hear all about the battle. I obviously wasn’t able to see anything down there with Palpatine, but BB-8 said you guys were marvelous.”  
“Well, we were pretty badass, if I do say so myself,” Poe grinned. “My co-general took down an entire command deck all by himself.”  
“Poe,” Finn chided, “you’re forgetting Jannah. I couldn’t have done it without her.”  
“How is Jannah?” Rey asked. “I didn’t realize she had fought with you guys.”  
“She was amazing, Rey,” Rose said. “She helped Finn take down that huge ship. She’s fearless, just like you are.”  
“Speaking of fearless,” Finn interjected, “you have to tell us about the battle with Palpatine and Kylo Ren. Did you take them both on at once?”  
“Yeah…” Rey said, gazing down at her hands. “It was quite a battle. Palpatine was much stronger than we realized. There was a moment when I didn’t think I would be able to stop him. To be completely honest, I couldn’t have done it if Ben hadn’t been there.”  
“Ben? Surely you don’t mean Kylo Ren?” Poe asked.  
Rey’s friends stared at her. She had their undivided attention. Poe and Rose both had a hint of fear in their faces, like they were afraid she was indeed going to confirm that the Resistance owed their victory in part to Kylo Ren. Finn, though, had disappointment written all over him. As if she had betrayed him by working with Ben. It was with this feeling, the feeling that her friends thought she had betrayed them by helping Ben turn to the light, that Rey snapped.  
“Yes, I mean Kylo Ren,” she said, anger coating her words. “Without him, I would be dead in Exegol. He gave his life to save mine. I was dead! Literally dead! He used his remaining life force to heal me. Don’t you see? Ben Solo turned. He came back to the light. We worked together to defeat Palpatine. I was the one who finally killed him, but I would be dead if Ben hadn’t been there with me.”  
Shock was plastered over their faces. Rey felt a small sense of satisfaction in shocking them. They refused to believe that there was light in Ben, yet he was responsible for the fact that they were standing her with her, everyone alive and well.   
Rose spoke first, her voice clear but not forceful. “So Kylo Ren turned? He came back to the light, abandoned the First Order? Is that why you brought him back, why you risked so much to save him?”  
Rey hesitated. Should she tell them everything? The fact that she and Ben were a dyad? Their kiss? That a small part of her had always loved him, even before she could clearly see the light in him? She decided against it. If she could get them to accept that Ben had turned, that he was no longer evil, that would be enough for now. She didn’t need to share all the details. “Yes, that’s why I saved him. I know he’s done terrible things, but it wasn’t him who was doing those things. It was Kylo Ren. I know you think Kylo Ren and Ben Solo are one and the same, but they’re not. Kylo Ren had Palpatine whispering in his ear, influencing him, telling him what to do. Ben Solo is Leia’s son, Han’s son. He’s a Skywalker and a Solo. All the good that was in Leia and Han is in him. He just needed help finding it.”  
“We understand, Rey,” Rose said gently.  
“Well, I don’t,” Poe muttered under his breath.  
Rose shot him a look. “Excuse Poe’s manners. He wants everything to be clear-cut. People are complicated. I think all of us realize that. In the end, all that matters is that you’re safe. The Resistance won! If Kylo Ren is part of the reason why we won, well, then we just have to accept that.”  
Rey could feel the anger that had consumed her earlier subsiding. Of course Rose understood. She was like Rey; she knew that people were rarely one-dimensional. “Look, I appreciate you guys understanding. I know it’s a lot to take in, I really do. Enough about Ben, though. I really want to hear about you guys.”  
Poe huffed. Rey could tell it was going to take him a while to reconcile himself to Ben’s role in their victory. Shaking his head, he said, “Well, it was quite a battle. We were doing really well at first, but eventually the sheer size of Palpatine’s army started to overwhelm us. There was a point when I didn’t think we were going to make it.”  
“Chewie and Lando really saved the day, though,” Finn chimed in. “They took the Falcon to search for allies, and thousands of fighters showed up. They just needed a push. After that, the First Order didn’t stand a chance. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen Poe look as happy as he did when all those fighters showed up.”  
“Mmm,” Rose said, “I think his expression when he realized Zorii was there might top that, or at least be a close second.”  
“Zorii made it?” Rey asked. “I assumed she hadn’t been able to get to Exegol after Kijimi was destroyed.”  
Poe grinned. “Hell yeah, she made it. She’s an awesome pilot too; she took out tons of TIE fighters. I tried to get her to kiss me when we got back to Ajan Kloss. She turned me down, but it’ll happen eventually. We all know how irresistibly charming I am.”  
Rey rolled her eyes. Poe was full of himself, but she was glad he was back to his normal joking manner. “When you see Zorii next, Poe, tell her I’d love to talk with her, thank her for all her help. I know we didn’t really get to properly meet, but I do like her.”  
“I’ll let her know, Rey.”  
Rose glanced at her watch. “Rey, I think I’m going to have to head back out. I promised Chewie that I’d help him look at some of the damaged ships, and you know he doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”  
“No worries, Rose. Have fun with Chewie. I know he can be a handful sometimes.”  
“I think I’m going to head that way as well,”Poe said. “We’ll be sure to stop by later, Rey. Hopefully they won’t keep you cooped up like this for much longer. You coming with us, Finn?”  
“Yeah, I’ll be there shortly,” Finn said, glancing at Poe and Rose. “I just wanted to ask Rey something.”  
Rose and Poe filed out the door, their footsteps echoing down the hallway. Rey turned expectantly to Finn. “What did you want to ask me?”  
“Well, Rey, I just…” Finn trailed off.   
“What is it, Finn? You know you can ask me anything,”  
“Are you sure there’s nothing else going on with you and Kylo Ren? Nothing beyond what you told us?”  
Rey could feel her cheeks reddening. “Of course I’m sure, Finn. Why would you think that?”  
“Just a feeling. Anyway, don’t think anything of it. I just wanted to ask.”  
Rey smiled uneasily. “Well, you have your answer. I’ve told you all there is to know about Ben.”   
“I don’t doubt you, Rey,” said Finn. “Let me know if you ever just need to talk. I’m always here for you.”  
Rey kept a tight smile on her face until she could no longer hear Finn’s footsteps. He suspected, that she was sure of. How much he suspected, Rey didn’t know. Finn had always been more attentive than her other friends. Did he suspect a relationship between herself and Ben, or did he simply sense the power of their connection? Rey would have to somehow find out, that was for certain.  
********  
Ben paced around his small room, his body aching with each step. He knew he should probably be in bed, but he couldn’t stand just lying there, doing nothing. His eyes roved around, taking in his surroundings. The room itself was very plain, just a standard hospital bed and a small bathroom. It had a window on one side, though, which had occupied most of his time. He had a clear view of what seemed to be the Resistance’s ship repair station. Three small fighter ships were in for repair. He could see people and droids buzzing around, working on the ships, with the occasional call for supplies seeping into the room. Chewie was at the center of the action, directing workers and droids and occasionally bellowing with disgust when something was not done to his satisfaction.   
Seeing Chewie filled Ben with indescribable self-loathing. Of all the terrible things he had done, the people he had killed, his dad filled Ben with the most remorse. He had thought killing his father would resolve him of the pain, of the incessant tug he felt toward the light. Instead of healing him, the act had haunted him, plaguing him with nightmares and a constant feeling of disgust for himself. Ben would never forgive himself for killing his father. What kind of son, what kind of human being, was capable of such an act?  
He knew Rey saw Han’s death as an act of Kylo Ren, not Ben Solo. He had tried thinking that way, tried to separate himself into two different people, but he couldn’t do it. He was Kylo Ren and Ben Solo; one could not exist without the other. Sure, he would never again commit the crimes he had as Supreme Leader, as Snoke’s apprentice, but he couldn’t simply erase Kylo Ren from his life. Parts of Ben still very much felt like Kylo Ren. Kylo had represented the worst of him, but there was a reason he had been able to sink so slowly into the clutches of the dark.   
Ben had a temper, that much he knew. He had always been quick to anger, and he had trouble controlling his emotions once he was annoyed. He knew very well that he had garnered a reputation among the First Order for destroying things when he lost his temper. Hux in particular had enjoyed perpetuating that fact. Rey was really the only person he’d ever been able to control his anger with. She could do anything to him, and it wouldn’t affect him in the slightest. Hell, she had run him through with his own lightsaber, and he still hadn’t felt a touch of anger toward her. His love for Rey shielded her from his occasional bouts of rage.   
Aside from his anger, Ben had always felt that something deep inside of him had pushed him toward the dark, helping him become Kylo Ren. His mother had always said he had too much Vader in him. She had never said that directly to him, but Ben was a precocious child and heard much of what he wasn’t supposed to. When his mother sent him away to train with Luke, she told him that it was so he could develop his natural abilities. Ben desperately wanted to believe her, but he knew in his heart that his parents simply didn’t know what to do with him. His mother and father both feared his capacity for darkness. Looking back, Ben supposed that was what had probably caused him to fall so easily to Snoke. It was a haunting feeling, knowing as a young child that your parents were scared of you. It had, intentionally or not, made Han and Leia distance themselves from him; they rarely spent time with him, and, when they did, it was in more of a pedagogical capacity than a parental one.   
When Ben first arrived to train with Luke, he had hoped his uncle would understand him, help him deal with the growing push toward darkness that he felt inside of him. Instead, Luke had feared him just as his parents did. Ben squeezed his eyes shut, recalling with pain that one fateful night when his uncle had confronted him. The memory of Luke leaning over him, lightsaber poised to strike him down, still sent chills running through his body. His uncle had been set to murder him; he hadn’t even given Ben a chance, instead acting on the assumption that he would turn. Ben had fled that light, running to the comfort and understanding of Snoke. He hadn’t killed Luke’s students, though Ben knew both his parents and Luke believed he had. The night he had fled, dark, black power had whipped through the training center, decimating anyone and everything in its path. Ben had always wondered who was responsible for that terrifying power and why it hadn’t touched him. Now, he assumed it must have been Palpatine, a masked puppeteer pulling the strings.   
Ben shook his head, slowly coming out of his memories. It was too hard for him to dwell much on the past, yet he couldn’t seem to escape it, no matter how hard he tried. It was always at the edges of his mind, haunting him. However it had happened, whatever had caused it, he had become Kylo Ren. He would have to deal with that fact for the rest of his life. Ben also feared that he would spend the rest of his life fighting against becoming Kylo Ren again. The only reason he had hope for a future was Rey. She understood him, understood the conflicting emotions inside of him. Rey felt the pull toward the dark too. Through the Force, he had seen her greatest fears, seen her visions of herself on the Sith throne. They were alike in that way; she had simply been strong enough and sure enough of herself to resist the pull.   
Ben turned away from the window and sunk to the floor. He had to get out of this hospital room soon. He was going crazy, just sitting here alone with his thoughts. He needed fresh air; no, he needed something to do. Distraction had always helped him deal with the memories pressing against his skull. After Han’s death, Ben had spent hours training with his lightsaber. He had always been a skilled fighter, but the his skill had vastly improved in the wake of both his father’s death and his fight with Rey on Starkiller Base. The countless hours of repetition, of the same strokes back and forth, had dulled his mind and honed his skill. He felt an urgent need for that same mindless training now.   
********  
Rose walked briskly to the landing bay, where the final ships were returning with the injured from Exegol. Her mind was still on the conversation with Rey. She believed her friend’s account of Kylo Ren’s redemption. Rose had always believed that no person was ever completely evil; still, she couldn’t help but feel that something more had transpired between Rey and Kylo. Rey’s protection of him, as well as what Katie had said, made Rose wonder if there was something more to the relationship, something Rey wasn’t saying.  
Shaking her head, Rose focused on the stretchers coming out of the ships. She had more important matters to attend to now; she could worry about Rey and Kylo later. Rose didn’t normally assist the medics, but they had gotten word at the repair pad that there was going to be an overflow of injured fighters returning; the medics would need all the help they could get. As Rose rushed over to the deluge of stretchers, she spotted Katie directing traffic.  
“Katie, what can I do to help? They sent some of us over from the repair pad to assist with the influx.”  
“I’m so glad to see you, Rose. I wasn’t really expecting to get this many injured from Exegol, but I’m glad that we have the chance to heal some of our valiant fighters. If you could help me wheel some of these stretchers over to the medical bay, I’d really appreciate it.”  
“No problem,” Rose said, turning to walk over to a stretcher. She approached the head of the stretcher, trying to see if she knew the person. As she looked at the person in front of her, her mind struggled to comprehend what she was seeing. The person was gravely injured, with a seeping wound in the abdomen and what appeared to be a broken arm, but that wasn’t what was causing Rose’s disbelief. No, it was because the person on the stretcher in front of her was a young man with pale skin, green eyes, and a shock of red hair. And he was wearing a First Order general’s uniform.


End file.
